Here it goes: Breakfast isn’t the most important meal of the day. The aroma from my mother’s authentic Persian saffron and Barberry spirals around the circular dining table as we prepare to pile each other’s plates high with current events, future plans, and questions about what we learned that day.
Slowly, the notification bells and piercing ring tones are replaced by the clamor of metal utensils as my sisters try to fit the plates and silverware around our carefully crafted dinner table.
And I’m not by the way just advocating for “show, don’t tell,” because you’ll notice that both authors show AND tell. “how to whip eggs to create the perfect "lift" in a soufflé”).
In the first example: First the author shows the value: Slowly, the notification bells and piercing ring tones are replaced by the clamor of metal utensils as my sisters try to fit the plates and silverware around our carefully crafted dinner table. What you’re trying to do here: Let the reader know how/why you are where you are. Notice also how Example 2 above could serve as the opening paragraph, as it also establishes a couple core values (creativity, excellence, entrepreneurship, practicality).
Transfer essay tips for you and your friends so you can go to the same school again!
Learn how to write a transfer essay from beginning to end with my brief guide. Let us know over at collegeessayguy.com" It’s hard to write a one-size-fits all approach for college transfer essays. As Dan Nannini, Transfer Center Director at Santa Monica College, pointed out to me last week, “Every student is just so darn different.”He’s right.My passion for cultural experiences and history continued in high school, and I looked forward to more experiential learning opportunities in college. Example 1: I originally chose Pasadena Community College because I wanted to a) stay close to home to take care of my mom, who was recovering from cancer when I graduated high school, b) save money by living at home and finishing my general ed requirements for under per credit, and c) help my dad at his TV repair business. While most of my friends were thinking about which expensive summer program they’d attend or whether or not they should take the SAT for the sixteenth time, my mind was on how to whip eggs to create the perfect "lift" in a soufflé and developing a long term strategy to create my own food television network.See how each example immerses us in the author’s world? So much more interesting than if the authors had simply said, for example, “the values that are important to me are connection, intimacy, family, and listening.” Instead, each author shows us. So I originally chose Drake Colonial University for its Culinary Arts program. This part doesn’t have to be flashy, but you could use a couple succinct examples to add a little something (“take the SAT for the sixteenth time” vs.But that’s not always the case, and sometimes you honestly just want out.“My expectations were not met, this was NOT the plan (and I’m not saying it’s the school’s fault but honestly I just don’t want to be here anymore)” Example: Initially, Drake Colonial University stood out to me for its culinary arts program and I looked forward to working side-by-side with top-rated chefs, experimenting with gastronomy and Sous-vide and finding others who shared my geeky passion for Transglutaminase. First of all, because there may be a lot more emotions wrapped up in your decision to transfer than in the two examples mentioned above. ) before letting us know specifically what she found instead: theory instead of hands-on (boo) limited access to experimentation (aw) no other Transglutaminase nerds (I am sad). Ask yourself, What would a dream job be--even if it isn’t your only dream job, and even if you aren’t 100% certain that this is what you’d like to do--and use it as a placeholder, like these students did...Unfortunately, my experience after arriving differed greatly from the one I’d imagined in at least three important ways: 1) the DCU culinary arts program was focused much more on the theory of cooking than actual cooking (all my finals last year, for example, took place in a classroom using pen and paper rather than in a kitchen); 2) access to supplies and facilities was extremely limited and most were off-limits to underclassmen, and 3) no one here had even heard of Transglutaminase. As a result, some part of you might honestly feel that it IS the school’s fault you’re so unhappy and some part of you may actually want to talk crap about the school. It won’t make you look better or smarter—it’ll just sound like you’re complaining. So in that example above the author first lets us know what she expected (hands on! Why it can be useful to clarify what your expectations were: Side note: Actually, I guess it is kinda’ like talking about an ex, but instead of saying “He was awful because of X,” you’re framing it in a positive way, saying in effect, “It’s not his fault, I just realized I was looking for Y.” (And, hopefully, your reader will be like, “Ooh!! ”) And sometimes, let’s be honest, we didn’t know what we were looking for until we got the opposite. And by reframing everything you’ve been involved in since graduating high school (even the tough stuff) as preparation for your big awesome future. Example 1: I’m particularly concerned about beauty waste because I am morally disturbed by the fact that my personal grooming is damaging the environment for everyone.To recap: In Paragraph 5, you’re setting up the specifics that you’re seeking. FAQ: Can you write and submit a separate essay for each school?Yes, as of this writing (2016), Common App allows you to edit your personal statement as many times as you like.Soon after my arrival, however, Prof Farnham took an indefinite leave of absence when she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s.Notice how in this example things didn’t go according to the author’s plan, but it’s not the school’s fault; it’s just the way things turned out.Each person sits the same distance from the center as we listen to my little sister’s attempt at hopscotch from earlier that day with as much interest as my Dad’s stories about his patient with Atherosclerosis. Which leads to an important point: Don’t take this as a strict by-the-numbers guide. Heads-up: This is probably the most important part of the essay. Essentially, you’re explaining to someone (a college) with whom you’d like to be in a relationship why your last relationship (with that other college) didn’t work out. What you’re (actually) trying to do here: You’re trying to articulate, with specifics, why you want to leave your current situation. Let the reader know if your expectations were or were not met.In short, you need to talk crap about your ex but still be really nice about it. Some students want to transfer because they had a plan and it worked out, and some students transfer because they had a plan that did not work out.