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In his new book, The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, Laurence Steinberg, Ph D, provides guidelines based on the top social science research -- some 75 years of studies.
He doesn't have the priorities, judgment or experience that you have." An example: A 6-year-old is very active and very smart -- but blurts out answers in class, doesn't give other kids a chance, and talks too much in class.
His teacher needs to address the child behavior problem. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. You don't want turn mealtimes into unpleasant occasions. If you don't prepare them, they will get bored, tired, upset by the crowds of people." "Parents forget to consider the child, to respect the child," Natale tells Web MD.
The scientific evidence for the principles he outlines "is very, very consistent," he tells Web MD.
Too many parents base their actions on gut reaction.
But some parents have better instincts than others, Steinberg says.
Children should never be hit -- not even a slap on a toddler's bottom, he tells Web MD. "It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love," he writes."They are more likely to be bullies and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others." "There is a lot of evidence that spanking causes aggression in children, which can lead to relationship problems with other kids," Steinberg tells Web MD."There are many other ways to discipline a child, including 'time out,' which work better and do not involve aggression." 9. "Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to," he writes.It helps protect children from developing anxiety, depression, eating disorders, anti-social behavior, and alcohol and drug abuse."Parenting is one of the most researched areas in the entire field of social science," says Steinberg, who is a distinguished professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia.Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it." Many parents have problems being consistent, Steinberg tells Web MD."When parents aren't consistent, children get confused. Raising a child is an extremely challenging and responsible task which requires love and commitment for the well-being of the baby.Nevertheless, becoming a parent may often be an unplanned, unexpected, or even unwanted case for some individuals."If your young child is headed into danger, into traffic, you can grab him and hold him, but you should under no circumstances hit him." Ruby Natale Ph D, Psy D, professor of clinical pediatrics at the University of Miami Medical School, couldn't agree more. "Many people use the same tactics their own parents used, and a lot of times that meant using really harsh discipline," she tells Web MD. Ask yourself, 'What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result? "What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love.A parent's relationship with his or her child will be reflected in the child's actions -- including child behavior problems, Natale explains. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions." 3. "Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities.